i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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