you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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