I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
