well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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