Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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