You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
