Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
