I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
