I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
