What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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