I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
