You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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