it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
