She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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