So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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