wakey wakey hands off snakey
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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