she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
