Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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