i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
