Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
