Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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