FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
