I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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