You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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