Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
