yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You pole danced in your parka.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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