remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
