Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize