Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
