Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
