went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
