Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I love you.
Bad choice
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