Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
