nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
