:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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