Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
