dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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