Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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