trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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