He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I bet he comes in French.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
