we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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