My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
