I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
