imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize