This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize