I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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