Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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