they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
