So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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