I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
