I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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