I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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