i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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