Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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