Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
