her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
