Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
