My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize