the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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