btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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