I think I won the penis lottery.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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