But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
