Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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