bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
