On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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