Kiss
Puke
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
