I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
