Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
