There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
