i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
