after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
