After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
