If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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