Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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