4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
