do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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