I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
