Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
